There’s No Right or Wrong Way to Grieve
I found this beautiful little plaque while in Taumarunui for a couple of days in January, and had to have it for a couple of reasons…
I liked the sentiments, but mostly because as soon as I saw it I felt a lump in my throat. It reminded me so much of Chico (who passed recently) as a puppy and I just wanted to hug it. I try not to ignore responses like that, so it now sits on our mantel piece.
Do I look at it every day and think of him? No of course not, but when my gaze falls upon it, I’m filled with a warm feeling in my heart, as I remember the joy he brought into our lives. At the moment I’m spending a lot of time at home, as I recuperate, and I’m feeling Chico’s absence more…
Grief is such a personal thing, and we all grieve in different ways, none of which are wrong, they are just ‘our way’. However, like many things in life, we tend to be influenced by society’s expectations of what is the ‘proper way’ to do things.
I remember as a young 20-year-old, grieving the death of our baby Lee Serene, and feeling like I was under a microscope; my actions and appearance being scrutinised by those around me. Not our immediate family and friends, but the people at the local shops and some of our wider circle of contacts.
I felt like I was expected to ‘BE A CERTAIN WAY’, and that; on top of the guilt I felt, that our baby had died, not to mention the fact that Lee was gone forever, was HUGE to deal with.
Lee’s death was described as a ‘Cot Death’ and I naturally tortured myself with “What if…” thoughts for a long time, judging myself, and feeling that others judged me.
It’s easy to allow yourself to travel down that rabbit hole of guilt and despair, and I’m so grateful that I’m a strong-willed woman with an innate sense of ‘I CAN GET THROUGH THIS’, although at that time I wasn’t aware of it.
It didn’t stop me from allowing myself to go down paths I’d rather not have, but I also know that if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be THE WOMAN I AM TODAY, doing what I can to inspire others to live their best lives, whatever that looks like.
So, here’s my advice for anyone who is grieving the loss of someone or something that held a place in their hearts…
FUCK OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPECTATIONS! Just do it your way, in your own time…
Don’t be afraid to ASK FOR HELP and ALLOW THOSE WHO LOVE YOU TO WRAP YOU IN THEIR LOVE, because it truly makes a difference.
Namaste
Michelle
