Don't Take Things Personally

Don't Take Things Personally

Have you read Don Miguel Ruiz’s ‘The Four Agreements’?

I read it many years ago and have been dipping into it again in the last few months. In fact, while I was recovering from surgery in February, I wrote a piece of work that is now part of our Inspire Me Kaupapa, the principles that form the foundation of Inspire Me, and what we aim to achieve in our community.

It’s called simply ‘How We Be at Inspire Me’ and it’s all about how we be with each other as Inspire Me Earth Angels. As I was writing this, I was thinking of Don Miguel Ruiz’s FOUR AGREEMENTS and how they can help us help each other through the challenging times to a place of HAPPINESS, which is surely where we all want to be...

Writing this ‘How We Be...’ piece was actually quite confronting for me, because while I strongly believe in the Four Agreements, I’m very aware that I don’t always practice them, which is not a comfortable thing to feel.

So, I could either beat myself up for that or I could treat it as a great opportunity for growth, which is what I try to do with anything that’s happening in my life that feels uncomfortable or challenging.

Don Miguel’s Four Agreements are a wonderful guide to helping us live a happy non-judgmental life no matter what’s going on around us. They help us retain or take back our own power, moving away from that ‘victim mentality’ that’s so easy to fall into.

The First Agreement I want to talk about is...


Know that when someone is saying unpleasant or unhelpful things - to you; about you; or about anyone else; it’s a reflection of them and the space they’re in. It actually has nothing to do with you...

What can we do in that kind of situation?

We can choose not to buy into it and instead offer helpful and compassionate feedback.

If we find ourselves feeling upset by their words, we can take a deep and calming breath, and choose to walk away so we’re not fanning the flame of negativity and give them helpful feedback when we’re feeling more positive.

If we want to offer helpful feedback but feel that they’re not in a place to be able to receive it, that’s okay. Just know that acknowledging their unhappiness, which is almost certainly at the root of the situation and choosing to walk away rather than buying into it means we don’t become a victim of it.

An important thing to be aware of, is that speaking with others about it before we’ve calmed down will also fan the Negative Flame. Whereas, speaking in a way that acknowledges the opportunity for growth must surely create a much more positive outcome, as will sending them compassionate healing thoughts and energy.

Is this easy to do?

Hmmm, not always, and will almost certainly be influenced by...

  • How much toxicity we choose to expose ourselves to, as in watching too much negative stuff on TV, social media, You Tube and any other platforms that are constantly in our face.
  • Whether we choose to look for things that feel good, on those same platforms, thereby encouraging more of those things to pop up...

It’s up to us to take responsibility for ourselves and our personal development. And while Not Taking Things Personally, is not something we’re going to find easy to achieve all the time; in making it our intention every day, we must feel happier in ourselves, which is surely what we all want.

Here is the DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY AGREEMENT from Don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Four Agreements. You may like to cut it out, and pop it on your bathroom mirror, as a way of reminding yourself of How You Want To Be in This World. 😊


Nothing others do is because of you.
What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.
When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others,
you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.



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